the suspense

just blew something off. now that empty feeling in me is back again, dammit.

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touched an area that i sworn myself not to go to at all costs, but i guess that situation was more than that "all costs". once you reveal it all, about your love, that feeling just goes away. somehow those endorphins just fail to support you anymore, and it gets all weird.

why did i ever think i was capable and more mature now to handle that kind of situations. obviously i've got much to learn, really a learning point for me. sometimes the suspense just builds, and each time you try to make it clearer to the person, but when the opportunity comes, you just have to give it away. just have to give it away, all away.

i gurantee myself this: ten years down the road, when i re-visit this post, or most probably any of my other teenager posts, i would exclaim in awe, "what childishness". sadly, it isn't as easy to walk the talk.

i'm off to sleep,
hope physics won't give me nightmares.
night.